Speaking to the hearts of Men!

Building Men 1

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By Hammed Ajiboye

Men are built. Built by families, societies and environment. Man is not only a political animal, he is a social animal as well.  He is birthed, grows up, interacts and lives in a society of men.  Nature abhors a vacuum.  Humans also abhor vacuum. We want to interact with those who love and cherish us.

I do not want to come across as a sexist or chauvinist but I believe men are the building blocks of societies. Man was created first before the woman and some deserves a special place in the grand scheme of things.  If anything happens to the man, societies and indeed our entire species will go extinct in the blink of an eye.

The preservation of man is vital to the survival and perpetuation of our species. Now,  before the entire army of feminists label me a misogynist, let me posit again loud and clear that Man is a necessary ingredient for the perpetuation of our species.

I emphasize perpetuation of our species because I have seen the handwriting on the wall. Men, I mean real men are on the brink of extinction. By real men, I mean men who are in tune with their identity. Men who know who they are,  men who are on a journey of  self discovery, men who give themselves over to be mentored by sages, men who are comfortable with their sexuality.  Not the  ridiculous trouser sagging, BBA watching, 6pack rippling,  BBM pinging variety.  I mean real men.

But real men aren’t born, they are made.  How?

To be continued…..

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Where are our Fathers? What happened to them

Hammed Roman Ajiboye

 



Fatherhood is very important, it gives children a sense of identity, purpose and destiny. Not too long ago, we had fathers who told us folktales under the full moon. They had no degrees but they were versed in life science. They taught and handed down lessons in morality. They passed down practical wisdom to us. They were there for us, we’d come back from school and wait eagerly for dad to come back. Therw presence alone assured us that all was well.


Growing up as a kid, i remember my father going through my school books even though his own education was limited. I remember with fondness my dad struggling to come to grips with the Nintendo pad,his dexterity at playing cards, whot and ludo. I still see him in the kitchen making yam balls or egg rice.

Men of my fathers generation grew up without the emotional baggage we grew up with. They weren’t confused by all the ridiculous humanist philosophies that bamboozle us today, their sexuality didn’t give them cause for headache and they had positive role models to look up to.


The rise of humanist philosophies, feminism and two income families have sounded the death knell on fatherhood as we know it. Men today face issues that no other generation before has faced. We do not know where to look for answers, the church wont and isn’t willing to look at the wounds we bear. And there are little or no positive male role models to look up to.

This cannot go on. We must act. Fathers are an integral part of strong families, strong families constitute enduring societies and civilizations. The emotional,spiritual and psychological needs of today’s men must be met, men’s issues need to be urgently addressed otherwise the boat we are in is steadily sinking into oblivion.

 

 

 

 

depression

“Some friends don’t understand this. They don’t understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you’re wonderful just the way you are. They don’t understand that I can’t remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.”
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

I stumbled on this while reading some articles, the writer, blogger or whatever you choose to call it in me leapt to life and i thought i should share this.

Enjoy.

As men, we often believe we have to be strong and in control of our emotions at all times. When we feel hopeless, helpless, or overwhelmed by despair we tend to deny it or cover it up by drinking too much, behaving recklessly, or exploding with anger. But depression in men is a common condition. The first step to recovery is to understand there’s no reason to feel ashamed. Then you can face the challenge head on and start working to feel better.

The prevalence of depression in men is another indication that there is something wrong with the way men are brought up in today’s world. The code of silence that has been ingrained in our psyche as a result of society’s false social expectations is partly to blame. throw in pride and ego and omerta( a deadly code of silence) and we have a recipe for depression.

According to http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_men_male.htm

Depression is not a sign of emotional weakness or failing of masculinity. It is a treatable health condition that affects millions of men of all ages and backgrounds, as well as those who care about them—spouses, partners, friends, and family. It can also lead to heart disease and other serious medical problems. Of course, it’s normal for anyone to feel down from time to time—dips in mood are an ordinary reaction to losses, setbacks, and disappointments in life.

Unfortunately, depression in men can often be overlooked as many of us find it difficult to talk about our feelings. Instead, we tend to focus on the physical symptoms that often accompany depression, such as back pain, headaches, difficulty sleeping, or sexual problems. This can result in the underlying depression going untreated, which can have serious consequences. In fact, men suffering from depression are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. It’s important for any man to seek help with depression before feelings of despair become feelings of suicide. You need to talk honestly with a friend, loved one, or doctor about what’s going on in your mind as well as your body. Once correctly diagnosed, there is plenty you can do to successfully treat and manage depression.

Okonkwo Model

A Man Is

A Man is,
Is what a Man does
What he does, is what he believes.
If he ever stops doing
In what he does believe
He will never again believe.
For he will be a disgrace
In his own grace
A rejection to his sight,
While doing the things
That he once had denied
Now he lives from the roots of his lies.
He will say one thing
Then he will do another
Liken a disease under cover,
While thinking it is good
And also thinking it is fine
Then destroying themselves in that crime.
Sometimes he is good
And then sometimes he is right
And sometimes he will have pleasure in his sight,
But when he starts doing
The things against which he talked about
He himself becomes that lie.
He will be a disgrace
And in the eyes of all others
And will also leave himself in doubt,
As a man does not cheat
And a man never robs or steals
His man hood is all that he worries about.
He tries to do no wrong
Against family or friends
So strong is a mans will,
He will fight for his right
Will break is own back
And only to GOD will he ever kneel.
He works for his living
Proudly collects the sweat on his brow
He takes no hand out from any man,
As what he does own
Is what he had earned
But that only a man could understand.
He fights his own battles
He asks no one to fight them for him
As a man he has his pride,
He lives by his conscience
He stands for his family
Sometimes with GOD only at his side.
As his son someday
He will become a man
Almost the same as his father was
He will be brave and will be honest
And Loving father he will be known
And his heart will always be filled with love.

Randy McClave

I was once asked why mentalk? i couldn’t give a straight answer to the question. But as i ruminated over it, the answers became clear to me.  we live in a patriarchal society where the various issues of men are glossed over because we think men aren’t supposed to do certain things. we aren’t supposed to show emotions  or acknowledge that we have issues.

So we put on masks that cover our issues. We become mindless robots because we tend to act in ways that society expects and we cant deviate from the mold.

Growing up, we were told, Men don’t cry. So we become metallic in our dealings and we bottle up our feelings which eventually corrode our personalities and psyche. Contrary to popular, false social expectations, men have so many issues that assail them.

MenTalk was created to address the issues that assail our manhood. It started off as a Twitter forum where a few worthy men spoke to the hearts of men and the women who love them.

So,Why the fixation on men? Am i a sexist or a male chauvinist pig? Not by any stretch of the imagination. I conceptualized and created MenTalk because i believe in the sanctity of marriage and family. i believe that when society has an abundance of strong men who are comfortable with themselves and are shorn of society’s ridiculous  expectations of what being a man is, society and civilization will get better. Despite the glut and rise of humanist movements and philosophies, the family still remains the oldest living social institution on earth. It needs to be protected from the onslaught of our postmodern world. Men play a vital role in keeping the twin institutions of marriage and family alive.

This blog will address the issues and proffer lasting solutions to the issues that men face.

Welcome to MenTalk the Blog

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